what peoples call in "fate"

I love the way how the times changed me
and I love  the way how "fate" playing with me.

Peoples said that we can change our destiny but not with our fate. 

One day, when I open up my dictionary and I accidentally opened one page and I found one word 'fate' , and suddenly things that across in my mind was " maybe this is fate? even about I opened this page and found this word?"

So what is the meaning of "fate"exactly ?
What's the different of destiny and fate?
Then I open up my dictionary,again, but I couldn't find the answer. And then, because I'm curious I opened google and type "fate" on the search engine.
 But of course, I couldn't find the answer.hahaha, the more I think about it then the more I get confused.

So I give up. 

I used to think that fate are so mean or maybe I used to hate what peoples call in "fate" or "destiny", but then I realized , I living in all those fate.
I met some peoples and separated with the others because of fate, I live in here because of fate , and I met you because of fate. And ,maybe I'll meet someone, my future special one because of fate. I know that all I need to do is just , waiting for those right time comes. And I know that God always has a big plan plan for me. Of course He has,He always be a best planner for me and for all of us.
But why I'm still feeling so.... empty?
even though I know that God really knows what is the best for me , but then again, why I'm feeling like ... I don't know, these emptiness not going away.

Ok, back again, So how can I used to hate 'fate' while that 'fate' just created and happen by Him for me?
How can people hate those 'fate' while there is always a message from behind those 'fate'?
But that's human. Including me,thing that they can do is just complain and complain. I should be able to learn from all my past or whatever.
But still , I'm lost in the way

Maybe I'm not changing 100 percent or even 10 percent,not at all . I'm still the same person,you know. but at least , I'm trying to.
And I want to .
About changing in a better way.
At least, as the times goes by, I'm learning little by little. I'm starting to liking 'fate' , starting to think that "ah..this is my fate and I must be go on, whatever would happen and whatever it takes"

So, there is no more reason to regret what happen , All I need to do is just learn from it. I have to.
Maybe I though that we are meant to be together but again,cause of fate, guess I'm wrong
You wasted mine and yes, you lost me.
I own this world and I know I deserve better

18 December 2011
Nineteen and three months - waiting for a 'fate' to send me sign

people quotes , lately

4 days ago when I visited faculty of law to see my high school bestfriend.
 lydia :    " Oh my god,you looks prettier than usual. did you cut your hair?? that's really suit in you"
me:         " stop playing around me lyyd"
lydia :      " for real honeeeeeey"
me :        " aah,thank youu"
lydia:       " you are in love, aren't you?"
me :        "how do you know that?"
lydia :     " easy,its written in all over your face, everyone could see that"
me :      *blushing
lydia :    " so, what is it feels like?"
me :       " well , I don't know , never been like this.hahahaha"
lydia :    " whaat? so you mean you never in love before? how about your exs?"
me :      " usually they fall in love with me first, and then I became in love too. But this time is different, he is a stranger, and I fell at the first. hahaha, for God's sake , it's embarrasing"
lydia :   " hahaha, poor youuu"
me :      " is it pretty much?"
lydia :    " yes!"

Then again , still in faculty of law , to see my cousin
rea : " you've already has a boyfriend in here, don't you?
me : " nope, I'm still single.hahaha"
then we walked, and some guys ( lydia's friend) saying "take care ki" "bye kiki" " you have to come again sometimes"
rea: " do you know them?"
me : " actually they are lydia's friend, and your seniors, re"
rea : " you can choose one of them to be your boyfriend"
me : " haha, still , I'm searching for the right guy and I think I'd found "
rea : " what?? who?"
me : " you'll see,hehe"

when I'm talking with my mom, by phone :
mom : " I've already  prays for you, in front of ka'bah and  it would go straight to Allah"
me :  " really? so what was your wishes?"
mom : " one day , you'll find the right guy to be your husband.hahaha, but of course, not for now"
me : "............................"
mom : " hallo? you still there?"
me : " what if mom, what if I've already found mine? "

You don't know about one thing , I never talked about boys or man to my mom. Not even once.
From the moment I said that , suddenly I realized,
He is the one I want to be with

hahahaha, still can't believe I'm saying this

madly in love

I'm madly in love with "red maroon"
I'm madly in love with "maroon" that andita gave to me 2 days ago
I'm madly in love with weather in this town lately
and.
I'm madly in love with...you.

and, how embarrasing it is. hahaha

Oh God,what have I got myself into? Everything in my life was just normal before. No fireworks , no awkward moment , no confusion , and, nothing,just like the others. Sleep , eat , study , hang out with friends , seeing some guy, and another normal routine.
Now? My heads keep think, think ,think and thinking. My heart skips a beat every time I saw him. And every moment  become those "awkward". It have been a long time I'm being like this since last I fell in love with someone . 2 years ago? or maybe 3 years? I don't know ,it's feel like century from those, ghost of my past. hahaha, too dramatic,again, how could I say century eventhough I'm only just nineteen right now.hahaha. 
Well,the only thing you should know is, I still no idea why I can fall with this one? The more I think about it, Then the  more I can not find the answer. Did I make that sounds too dramatic again? haha
I mean, what if on that day me and fika watch those samishen concert? and what if on the next day after we met , we didn't actually met? Okay , maybe you get confused for what I'm saying for , but maybe this , this is just like  the people say, "fate" in a word. I used to not believe in fate , but now? Guess I'm wrong.


But you know what's the best part of these? fall in love again I mean.
Even if an earthquake would happen in here,or whatever, you'll just smile, alone and all day long like a foolish person in the world
And the worst part is?
your cheeks are getting tired and your bestfriends would bullying you until your face color change into the same color of tomato's, then you'll exactly looks like "walking crab in the sun"

Like today, the effects of one ,mmmm haha, smile , still felt until now.hahaha,I was reaaally freaked out. My heart skipped a beat for a while,just because of it.hahaha. Is it pretty much? YES. And actually I'm, become more anoyyed with these things. One more thing! his friends are just , ERRRR ! For God's sake,they have a f**king mouth,for real. Can't they just shut up  and just watch?   because of them , everyperson everybody and everyone know that I have a crush on him. aaah,poorly, really poor I am, and I think I'm gonna cry if I imagine what they've already told to him.
I expected that it would be end like , the only person that know I'm in love is, me. just me, and nobody knows. It's such a mistake to told fika everything, and it spreads to all over campus.Feels like my face is gone,and too embarrasing to appears in front of him anymore. Thanks to his friends, How could  they do that to me? really.

God, when all of this will end? actually I need to focus on my college things right know. And I want my face back so I can walking in campus without thinking what would gonna happen for next?
The only I can do just wish , wish , and keep wishing , And everything would back to normal again.

keep calm and stay cool chikin, you can get through of this. hope so

screw you 111111 ! haha

hello everyone , you know what date is it today ? yep, it's 11/11/11 .. and, just like as I predicted yesterday, nothing special happened .hahahaha , and I hate this.really.
Today just end up like, nothing . Soo many couple getting married today , and there so many wedding party everywhere ( even my neighbor) , but hey , look at me, I'm still single and alone, updating my blog.haha

 
But maybe at least , it's not as bad as it sounds , I went to karaoke with my friends actually , my college friends and some seniors . 
Ah! there is one more, I also went to faculty of law after my class over (with my highschool bestfriend) , and there was like, mmmm.. so many handsome and smart looks fresh future lawyers. haha. Well, and there he was. Wearing plain white shirts with black coat. haaah , I couldn't help myself with the guy in style like that.I've never  see him like that before.Formal but simple and casual. And, he just looks like smarter than usual , and it was, hmmm ,I don't know,no words can describe what it's he looks like on today.haha. Don't you think it too waste for me to ignore him before?Should  I go back to him ? but I already falling with the other , the 'hopeless one' and still don't know why,poorly. We even really talks after our first met,but why? Call me stupid cause it sure I am.
Okay,back again,We ate pizza together,his treat,so it was more delicious than usual, maybe because it's free.haha , then we back to his campus ,doin some small talks. And after that, he take me to a department store so I can hang out with my friends. Look, he is really that kind,isn't he? so what do you think? should I really go back to him? Cause it seems like the "hopeless one" became more hopeless now. Contrary to me, his ex is really mature. and it's sad,because I'm not. Oh God , I wish two of them will never ever and ever read this post.
After I arrived to a place, I joined my friends to sing. We'd sing for 3 hours and more. Can you believe that? 3 hours till my voice gone. haha,kidding,till my voice almost gone and until everyone get bored (except fika , she keep singing until the times over with her those..., hmmm, okay , I'm better to not saying this,hahaha). But that was fun actually,really. Except about the fact that my phone's trackball is gone.haaaah, poorly, and my cellphone really looks like junk now,but it still work,after these 5 years.
Well, actually I was expecting for someone would come today,again, those 'hopeless one'.hahaha. But at the end, I'm glad he wasn't there , cause if he'd come ,maybe I just couldn't sing in front of everyone and of course, him,and it will waste my money. Then after we'd sing, me , fika and dinda get some dinner and talks again,then we went home.

Okay, and the day end up like that.  Still wishing for something special would happen for this 2 hours left,but it'll must be never happen. Maybe I'm better go to sleep than waiting those miracle. So goodnight everyone, wish your day was much better than me, wish I could make up with my bestfriends for these "little unimportant things fight" and everything would back to normal like before.
Sleep tight and nice dream . xoxo

nineteen *18th september 2011*

Eightteen september two thousand and eleven. Maybe this has been happened a long long time ago (2 months ago exactly ) , but I really want to keep this in some momories.Like this. But now I just wondering what  if I am a witch and If I could doing some magic things like harry potter, maybe I could keep my memories into some bottles and of course, I definitely will not be bothered with things like this.About updating my blog actually.haha. It really takes time, but I don't hate it because it's fun actually. This,writting  is the one way I can express my feeling ,besides playing piano of course. nothing can beat the satisfaction when playing piano.Trust me,you should try it !


Okay,let's just get started. On that day , I woke up like usual, none of special feeling that was nothing and netral. my best friend stay up on before that day, but she going home without giving me a celabration,even a word. I thought that none of my best friend remebered my birthday,and  that was really sad,really. Then my parents and my brothers call me , they sang one song, the moment they sing , then I started to cry. That was like... heem I can't express my feeling was. The only thing I know just,I really miss them , until now,especially my mom.


Then my high school mate came, she bring me lunch,then we just spend our time by watch movie after that (RIO ,i think). The movie was fun,but again,  I thought that , that day will end up like just like that, no cake and no celebration and nothing. Can you imagine my feeling was?   Well , then the afternoon came, my friend said that hers friend waiting for her in front of my home's gate, so I followed her to open the lock. (actually I'd give her my keys but she keep saying that the gate was hard to unlock)
The next thing happened is, I heard some voice singing a birthday song out of loud, really loudly ! 
THEN I  SAW THEM ! They give me a surprise, they were pretending like they didn't remembered  my birthday, but actually they were. They do remember mine.haha. oh God, I really thanks to you to give me all of this bestfriends. They give me a brownies, the one I wanted on the night before that day, and they told me to blow out the candle that can't be extinguished. then I kept blow out the candle , and it still on,until my hair finally caught a fire. they laugh at me, they keep bullied me (in a good way,I know they love me.haha) and keep calling me "lemot" "pe'a"  like usual.
At the night , I feed them a brownie one by one , they keep laught at me without knowing (me) anything they took me to a gate again. One of them told me " let's take a picture" but actually they purpose to hold me, so they could threw some eggs at me and flush me with "smellest water they made". and the smell of eggs was just....euh! makes me want to... ok, it's better I'm  not saying this.haha
But they were really nice at the end,they clean my yard while I took a shower (surprisely). That was very embarrassing because I became a spectacle of the crowd ( my neighbor), but at the same time I'm really that happy,and it was really really unforgetable moment,the moment I became nineteen.
Thank you for my best rina ika nia tasya astrid ola mbem dita and fika, and my highschool mate koni and kika:). really love you all:):) 

from the left, nia , rina , ola, fika, astrid, me , dita , mbem, ika , tasya, koni , kika

One week later after those surprises, I went to Semarang to see my family. Semarang becomes my hmm fifth? or maybe sixth home right now. Already 5 months since my family moved to Semarang, all changed into new house, new street , new neighbor, and still not familiar with all the new things, but as the times goes by, I found out that city just an incredible ,like the others. Kinda live that way. Not too small , no traffic jam , but it still a big city.
Let's just back to the topic, my nineteen. My last day in semarang, again , my twins brother gave me a surprise. Hahahaha, it's sweet, isn't it? We always fight for an unimportant little things , but at the same time, they care about me. Even they still bullied me, until now (altought I'm theirs older sister). Errr, I don't know why peoples keep bullying me. If I'm not that smart, I can't be a dental student right now.haha
Ok,back again, they gave me a cake, one of my favorite, full of CHOCOLATE ! hahahaha , and when the candles on, my little brothes ( the younger) and my dad ( surprisely)  are more exited than me. maybe because he's still 2 years old baby and my dad loves the chocolate too.
It's kinda sad because on that day, I only ate 2 pieces cakes and I forgot to bring all those chocolate to Surabaya.

There is one more ! my highscool bestfriends were made a topic on twitter by tweeted "#happyputranti'sday" repeatly , over and over again till my timeline was full only for theirs tweet. But it's just makes me miss them  , miss my highschool, and miss bandung so badly.

thank you sooooo to my old friends for the greetings, to my high school friends for the prays, to my dentistrymate for the surprise , to my brother for the song  the gifts and the cakes , to my mom and dad for the support and love! nineteen. I just love the day I became nineteen :)

Whatever, nineteen, my last teenager, gonna be that fun.

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Terjemahan Bahasa Indonesia ke Inggris

halloow

hey again ! raining season and it's november already . How can the time passing so fast? there's a lot awesome things that I must be written ,but.. all of these college things make me crazy  . hahaha , sounds like a reason , again ,but it's truly it is.  I even can't watch my DVD for these last 3 months. it's strange huh?
I used to watch my collection until morning comes,but now? my routine change to , wake up , go to campus , lunch with my friends, take a class again , go home , doing homework, and sleep. in every single day . can't you believe that?maybe sound like I'm exaggerating this but, again,it's true.it has been 3 month since the new semester ,and 3 months since I couldn't updating my blog. yap, and you really miss a lot.

this is fikaa my new best:) actually she is a daugther from my mom's friend

Today was my first time for my visiting to surabaya zoo,and I did some photography stuff with my club mates(dentistry graphic design club). The lesson on that day was like how to take a model pictures (but I still don't understand what's the point exactly). It all was went well except about the fact that I was sooo in a mess.Haha,really. I took a shower and dressed only in 20 minutes.20 minutes, can you believe that?  I didn't even had a time to sweep a baby powder to my own face, in fact that actually i want to looks little more pretty from usual on today. but it's sad, cause the fact is i do not even pretty at all, from beginning.hahaha.
But today was little bit fun anyway. getting know some new people, and the monkeys was kinda cute too. Ah! there is on more, the meatballs soup was really yummi.

and this is my best best at college, astrid :)

Maybe it's out of topic , but I really want to write about this.Lately I started to hang out with my new friends,fika and few seniors actually , we are all have same hobbies in common so.. ok, I really confused from where I must start,and I don't know what to say , so I'll explain intstantly
Well, it started when fika and I promise to watch a shamisen concert together ,then suddenly we changed our mind in to accept an invitation to watch a movie with seniors ( at this time I didn't know wich seniors are her mean,not yet.) then we just head to a place, and next,there is one guy and... things happen.hahahaha , it's simple, you know ,it's just like,we met and.. Puff! sparks everywhere,and it comes into my lips. next thing I remembered is I couldnt help myself to keep smiling,alone,and that was really like, hmm little bit fool.haha. Oh God, how embarrasing it is. on that night I had not realized what was going on to me , then at the others day when I saw him at , I realized that I couldn't see... mmmm him . even his face ,yap ,it sucks really. and my best friends ( riska and astrid) keep asking me why I keep smiling all day long! then the next thing I thinked about was, what if and what if it turns out into I'm falling with someone? no,of course not, and I don't want to. not yet,maybe,aaaargh I don't know what I'm saying .but the good things is...I'm finally had forgotten about my past.and it turns out like I'm back to seventeen years kid again.
Is it pretty much? ya maybe this is just another my "melancholy sindrome" again. and I hope so.
 This one,he  didn't treated me like the others and we even not a friend,but how I can falling with? how I can ignore the guy I need for this ? Ooh God, these things really make me.. whatever it is. It's just the wrong time.
I don't want to expect more , because it seems like hopeless,and also "ghost from my past" still saying that it is not over yet.   Okay,the only thing I can do for now just  only pray for my best cause I don't want to screwed up everything.It's really better like this ,maybe it's just not the right time , and I believe, someday, if fate sides with us,then he'll fall , to me.hahahaha I couldn't believe that I'm just saying that. 
But for now, the only things I want is all of this things going well. Like my november wish, everything gonna be alright.

and this is from left, riska and astrid, another my best best. it's been a year we are all get close

Okay,leave about my love life and let's talk about about my the other day, friday. Last friday was soo amazing,  that was "too girl and too chic" . We started from doing some hair things with ika rina tasya and astrid, then we continued with going to one mall.One of the biggest in this town actually. Then we just doing those things, just walk and look around. Can you imagine that we walked for 7 hours , non stop ! it was a very  tiring day,but at least, we got everything we wanted, I got some clothes , some make up things , and some snacks for a week ! haha,although it exceeds the budget .poorly... but that's okay. at the end,I'm really that happy.
Now,I do not know what to write about, so maybe we could end up here

So,good night everyone, I promise for the next, I'll update my blog as soon as the things change. Again,sorry I can't write it all.So many things that I wish you knew,but my heads going to pop out. bye!

today

you

ずっと待っていたの言えなかったけど.
足りない日々をそっと埋めるように,笑ってた
触れるだけで,壊れた.指 先から離れて,消えた


さよなら
あ なたを忘れられるほど,素敵な夢をみたいの
こんなに綺麗な灯かりともしたら,うつむいてられないでしょ？
もっと 知りたいこといくつもあるの
無 くしたわけじゃない.元の場所へ戻るだけ.
違う人を愛した.
わかるような気 がして,泣いた.

あなたを忘 れられるほど素敵な夢などないわ
どんなに綺麗な灯かりともしたら
鏡の前に立ち止まる
自信なんてないのきっ と誰も同じはず・・・


あなたの横顔想い出していたの


いつまでもあ なたを忘れられないまま,夢の続きを探した.


怖いものなんてなくならないんだ
あたしにもわかってきたわ
う つむいてられないでしょ？

"I fell in love with wrong person.feel like understand everything, then I cried. suddenly I remembered your side face."

random

good night :D

ok,photography is becomes one of my hobby now. I don't know , it just makes me happy , and give me an another satisfaction if I could take a nice picture.

of course,surely , my olympus is always be favorite stuff.

I can't imagine if he even doesn't exist.hahaha,another "melancholy" today,forget it.

 

This is the last letter from my best friend in Japan.Of course she is japanese and she is much pretty too.hha

   had been a month I didn't write back, and still do not have time to reply.
  how long do you think it takes for someone to write a letter?  

it really takes time.

 

 

these two photos , taken when I went to Bali holiday 2 weeks ago.

when I purpose to take a photo of the beach , then this guy passed in front of me.

my old friend gave me this about years ago, when I was taking a picture of my room, suddenly I saw this.

so,it just only that

it's miracle ,haha I have cleaned my room!! huahahahaha

 it took about 2 hours to I cleaned up everything,and I can study on my own desk now !! haha

it's been 4 months!

it have been 4 months since I posted something,and wow! 4 months already.you missed a lot and time goes quckly,really quickly.

I think..yap,I think every day I become more and more busy.the fact is really it is. I'm not telling you a lie,and it's truly true about studying medicine,working on college paper , another presentation , disccussion ,bla bla bla and another dentistry things really made me have to stay up everyday,but I don't hate it,acctually I enjoy it.even I have to reduce my bedtime and the time to going out with friends (?). haha , okay,I doubt about last part. and part before last part.actually about the bedtime part*lol

over the time goes by, I  feel that there's not only have a changed in my routine but  there is also  something changed in me,in myself.hope I'm changing in a good way,be a better than past of course.

something like I hate,things that was annoying for me, like anatomy class and the smell of cadaver's room, strangely, now becomes little bit fun. 

because,then I realize how awesome,how briliant, the One who created all this body system.How amazing if you know that every vein , every cell and every system have their respective duty.for which, the system would be damaged if it's there is an incomplete part ,missing part  in the system.

really , how great the God is.

So, there is no reason to hate (anatomy class on) wednesday ,and no reason to hate what we are facing in,because there must be a lesson behind what we are facing,even if the small thing. 

hahaha,I still can't believe that I'm telling you all of this,I'm talking like a 80 year's old granny huh? yap, the main thing is, from all I experienced,I became more rational , more able to accept what I'm facing in,and take a lesson from every part in my live. 

I'm not telling you that I'm perfect now and there are still many shortcomings in me,much many more. however is , I keep trying to change anyway.

And the most important thing is,I have to remove this laziness of corse. It's the first thing that I should do from the first,but.aaaaaah,no matter what is, this "laziness sickness" is not going away.

living alone in the new city,here in Surabaya is not as bad as I expected, friends are always there beside me.

Ah,there is one more! I really love today's weather (17th july),it's like autumn season in tokyo,it make me missing japan badly.

and back to the topic,about today's weather.when today's wind swept my face,aaaaaaaah ,I just love it.really really love it.so ,after the class over, I take a long route to go home with my best , and we walked slowly. we didn't  talk much in the way ,we just enjoy the air,and we parted at the corner as usual.

and when my friend come to see me and bring some lunch and reminded me to eat,i don't know why,it make me miss my family.

hahaha,i'm being soooooo melancholy today.oops I just forgot that melancholist is kind of my personality.

whatever with my personality,I wish that someday,something like in today is happening again.

last from today's diary : i miss my home

farhan silly face :) ;))

padang padang

3 weeks in padang was very, very enjoyable :) and here we go !

always for ..you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY:)

Sorry I can’t be there and can’t give you anything but, I always pray the best wishes for you mom .

I love you

Raden M.Farhan Putranto :):)

 It's all about farhan !

and this picture was taken while I was in Semarang.So, I hope you all enjoy it:)

 

I DO NOT eat rice, but I LOVE crackers

"cimcon ctreet,cimcon ctreet"

"mommy where are you ??"

"give my baby powder back !"

by the way,he sprinkled powder on his own face by himself

farhan's sleepy face

"I love to pray with papa"

"I live to SING !! rock you beibeh "

 

I'm more exited to be in the closet

" Peek A BOO !! "

my trip to semarang

hello everyone J, the reason I didn’t write my daily on this blog is , bacause I was in semarang! I went to there by the train, and it was just AMAZING.really, it is a very enjoyable trip because I could see the sights of the village, rice fields and farmers are very fascinating.

 
and when I've arrived at the hotel, I saw Farhan and he had grown and grown! He is became a big boy now .
and then,cause I haven’t seen my father's face for 4 months, I was surprised because he's become much thinner , but of course I still love him.

 
surprisely, my father gave me a new SLR camera as souvenirs  from Japan, and I was really really shocked just like,hmm I can’t describe my feeling was.

And,my  new hobby is.., PHOTOGRAPHY! hahhah


but,the bad news is now my mobile phones broken and I can’t do anything about that.